What Not To Do At Asgard!
by NinjaWithImagination
Summary: My little list of things I'm not allowed to do at Asgard... heh... it wasn't titled 'What To Do At Asgard' before, what? READ IT. REVIEW AND REMEMBER TO CITE!


**A/N: HEY EVERYONE! I have no idea why I published this, it was just something I thought of and couldn't get out of my mind.**

**IF YOU USE THIS IN ANYTHING, YOU HAD DANG WELL CITE ME 'CAUSE I MADE ALL OF THESE UP MYSELF!**

**Or I'll get you. Don't make me get you. I have forks.**

**(Seriously, I hate it when people do things and don't leave credit for other people.)**

**What I am not to do on Asgard:**

-I will not start singing Blue (De Ba De) by Eiffel 65 whenever Loki walks by.

-I will not put my hand up in Thor's face for a high five and when he doesn't high five back, ask if he leaves his girlfriends like he leaves high fives- hanging.

-I will not steal Loki's helmet and run around trying to head butt people.

-I will not wear shirts that say, 'I SHIP THIF!' or 'SIF AND THOR FOREVER!'

-I will not get Sleipnir on a sugar high.

-I will not nickname the Warriors Three as the 'Three Musketeers'.

-I will not tell Volstagg to go on a diet.

-I will not make to shake Týr's right hand and then laugh hysterically and say, "WHOOPS! FENRIR GOT THERE BEFORE ME!"

-The suitable response to every question is not 'That's what she said', nor is it 42.

-I will not teach Loki paintball.

-I will not scream, "STOP… HAMMERTIME!" every time I see Mjölnir.

-I will not tell Thor that Jane Foster is in Sif's room, and then lock him in there with her.

-I will not refer to the Warriors Three as the 'Golden Trio'.

-I will not refer to Odin as my homeboy.

-I will not tell Fandral he doesn't have enough swagger to flirt with me.

-If I am told to 'Go to Hel', I will not tell them that she and I are having a sleepover that weekend anyway.

-I will not hum the Pirates of the Caribbean theme any time that the Warriors Three and/or Thor are walking down the hallway.

-I will not run down the halls screaming 'THE CHITAURI ARE COMING, THE CHITAURI ARE COMING!'

-I will not walk around in a pillowcase and say to random people "HARRY POTTER MUST NOT GO BACK TO HOGWARTS!"

On a second note to the above one, I won't JUST wear a pillowcase. Or steal people's socks. Or break chandeliers.

-I will not refer to Odin as Dumbledore who cut his beard. Therefore, I will not continue to tell him that Snape is a Death Eater.

-I will not refer to Odin as Gandalf either. Therefore, I will not have Loki conjure up an illusion of a Balrog and scream that we have to find the Bridge of Khazad-dûm.

-I will not streak anywhere, period.

-I will not refer to Heimdall as Gandalf as well. Therefore, I will not repeatedly run around screaming that he let a Balrog into Asgard, nor will I teach him to simply say "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" and slam his sword into the ground whenever someone tries to leave Asgard.

-I will not feed any of the horses Pixy Stix.

-I will not tell the Warriors Three that the Knights of Ni have challenged them, and therefore will not teach everyone else to say "NI!" whenever they're around.

-I will not draw smiley faces on anybody's faces at night, especially with permanent marker.

-Asgard is not Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

Painting a line from Sif's room to Thor's room is not appropriate.

-I will not use a love potion on Thor.

-I will not have Loki pretend to be Jane Foster and then say she loves Loki.

-A Frost Giant is not an appropriate date to any ball or dance.

-A Dark Elf is not an appropriate date to any ball or dance.

-Thor is not a unicorn. I will stop implying he is to any visitors from any other realms.

-Loki is not a reindeer. I will stop implying he is the reindeer Santa fired so he could hire Rudolph. Therefore, Thor is not Rudolph and I will stop painting his nose red or putting clown noses on his nose.

-Sif is not a mermaid. I will stop pushing her into any bodies of water to prove so.

-Volstagg is not a freakishly tall relative of Gimli.

-Fandral is not the cat in the hat, and I should stop implying he is by putting a striped red and white hat on his head. Nobody has any idea why I think he is the Cat in the Hat, and it's scaring others.

-I will not have Loki enchant fish to walk and breathe out of water and then call them the inhabitants of a new realm. Therefore, I will not offer to take Thor to that new realm and push him into any body of water screaming that he'll meet Sif's sister.

-I do not go to Hogwarts and should stop telling everyone about its majestic wonders.

-I will not find a way to give Sleipnir wings.

-I will not bring rabbits to Asgard and have Loki curse them to continuously attack Thor.

-I will not supply Loki with dungbombs.

-Snape is not the before picture in any commercial, thus Loki is not the after picture.

-I am not Lady Macbeth, nor has she possessed me.

-I will not suddenly acquire Tourette's Syndrome whenever Thor is nearby.

-I will not write love notes to Sif and sign them with 'Love, Thor'

-I will not dress up as the Easter Bunny in October and tackle random passerby, screaming that I have chocolate.

-Odin is not Santa Clause. He does not appreciate me sitting on his lap and asking for world domination, especially when he has guests.

-I will not sing 'One-Eyed, Two-Faced, flying purple people eater' every time Odin walks by.

-I will not draw Dark Marks on anybody's arm.

-I will not paint myself green, wear black, and announce I am the Wicked Witch of the West.

-Sif is not Dorothy. I will not have someone cast a spell so that anywhere she goes, a path of yellow brick follows her.

-Thor is not Glinda the Good. I won't have Loki cast a spell to grow his hair and turn his clothes into a pink sparkling dress- it scarred EVERYONE.

-Volstagg is not the Cowardly Lion.

-Fandral is not the Scarecrow.

-Hogun is not the Tin Man.

-I will not have Loki conjure up an army of flying monkeys for me.

-I will not teach everyone Gangnam Style.

-I will not teach everyone the Harlem Shake.

-I will not sneak into Odin's room, wait for him to wake up, and holler, "IT'S ALIVEE!"

-I will not tell everyone that the Furbies are coming.

-I will not speak Elvish.

-I will not booby-trap the halls.

-I will not sneak down to Midgard and tell Jane that Thor married Sif.

-I will not fill Asgard with cows.

-I will not fill Asgard with pigs and announce that Volstagg's cousins came early.

-I will not fill Asgard with chickens.

-I will not call Hogun Sirius Black.

-I will not call Hogun the Grim.

-I will not tell everyone Hogun's Animagus is a black dog.

-I will not push people out of windows.

-I will not fill Asgard with whales that can breathe out of water.

-I will not fill Asgard with camels.

-I will not get the Smurfs song stuck in everyone's head.

-I will not sing 'EVERYTHING IS AWESOME' from the Lego Movie ever again.

-'This can't get any worse' is not a challenge.

-'You couldn't be any more annoying' is not a challenge.

-Thor is not the Tooth Fairy.

-I am not the Slayer, Loki is not my watcher, and I will stop trying to stake Fandral.

-I am not the Sorting Hat and I will not stand in the middle of a hallway, randomly placing people in Hogwarts houses.

On a second note, I will not dye all of their clothes with the colour of their house.

-I will not bring Midgardian politicians out, drag them to Asgard, and have them think that they died and went to heaven before knocking them out again and dropping them back in Midgard.

-Running into the Dining Hall in the middle of dinner and panting, "Troll… in the dungeon… thought you would want to know…" and passing out is not acceptable. Especially if you instead say there's a Frost Giant in the dungeon.

-I will not bring a giant squid from Midgard to Asgard and leave it in Thor's room.

-I will not make it rain toads.

-I will not sing, 'It's Raining Men' when it rains, or when Thor uses his hammer to fly.

-Finding a Bilgesnipe and riding it around the halls yelling, 'YEEHAW COWGAL!' is not appropriate.

-I will not have Loki cast an illusion of the Allfather on me and go and gather everyone else up and bring them to the Throne Room where I have a SMART Board. I will not say, "I bet you're wondering why I gathered you all today," and show them my plan for world domination before putting on a Santa hat and walking away.

-I will not attack Loki with kittens. Or Thor. Or anyone.

**A/N: I'm not sure if they'll be any more…**

**It's actually funny- I'm writing a ton of Avengers FF, and this is the first one I'm publishing… hmm… O.O**

**Chanel: How funny…**

**HOW ARE YOU HERE?!**

**Chanel: I'm your go to for the Author's Note at the end of a chapter.**

**Really? **

**Chanel: Yep.**

**O-O what was I drinking?**

**Chanel: Lemonade.**

**Oh….**

**Chanel: REVIEW OR I'LL COME AFTER YOU WITH SPORKS!**

**OHMIGOD SPORKS O,O**


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